What's In A Name? - Part 3

We have many sports-minded individuals who advertise their skills in their names. MALACAS would do well in weightlifting. LANGGOY for swimming. BARILLO and PESTOLANTE for shooting events (PEGUIT-mata when they aim). HECHA-NOVA for volleyball or shot-put. ECHA-VEZ for discuss throw or javelin throw. LUCZON for high jump. ANTOLIN and VELEZ for sprints. LUMBA for all other kinds of races. JUMAWID, JOMILLA and DIMATULAC will be a solid trio for tug-of-war (BUHION was disqualified). BUNO and BARAZON for arm-wrestling. LAWAS and BADE for body-building. ILAGAN and LICAYAN can’t be hit by their opponents in boxing. PILOTA for racket-ball. TIMONERA for boat-racing. ROWENA for rowing. SOCORRO for soccer football. DAMASO for dama or checkers. DIGAMON for backgammon. DULAY for bridge card games. VILLAR for billiards. ANCHES and SANCHES for chess. GOLFEO keeps beating up his opponents in golf. LASALA for archery (the Green type, for fighting the TANEO Blue Eagles). The basketball team could use the services of ALCESTO, AVILES and ATACADOR for a fastbreaking offense with dunkin’ DONATO providing the exciting points. AGAWIN (ironically a Visayan) and ICAWAT (ironically a Tagalog) could give us a ballhawking defense augmented by BLANCO’s shot-blocking prowess. HATA-AS will be ideal for the center position, supported by LUMOCSO for rebounding strength. ESLAO gets fielded when it is time to freeze the ball. MAHUSAY plays a lot while MAHINAY and LAT-AY stay on the bench. GHAZALI keeps joining all the teams and MABILIN keeps getting left behind. Sanoy should join to bring SUERTE to the team. Winning is very important. That’s why we even have our own sports COMMENDADOR (who is magaring mag-SARITA like a Japanese with NO-EL in his pronunciation) to telecast the games. CAYACO is the self-confident cheerleader and MASICAT brags about the team’s VICTORies. Kailangan MANALO in order to get the gold MEDEL as the SIMBUL of supremacy. But if SEGUNDO lang, or SAYCON place, okay na rin ang MEDALLOng PINLAC. However, if you finish BERCERO or PANGLIMA, better go back to the training sessions to improve your performance. Ayaw gid pag-UNDANG because a quitter never wins. Wanna BETH? No, DINA lang, because we don’t want to LUZ our MANNY. Baka ZAMORA na KAREN-deria in the MERCADO na lang kami ma-CABILI ng pagkain. We practice FRUGALIDAD. We are not a gambling group. Hanggang charity sweepstakes lang tayo, kahit AMBOS lang ang winnings. It is prohibited to go to Pagcor CANSINO. It is also not allowed to play the Chinese game MATIONG. Everytime BALATERO gives you balato, you know he has violated these rules -- but profited from it. CORA can’t work with CRUZ because it could be misunderstood as toss-coin risk taking. Even RGC shouldn’t play any game (e.g. scrabble) with his wife and kids -- it will automatically become a game of CHANs.

Some people will go places (all over the MAPA, from APALE to HULO) with their names. BAGUIO, ANTIPOLO, QUIAPO (with its famous PLAZA-MIRANDA), BIRONDO (in Chinatown), ONGPIN (Chinatown too), BUSTRILLOS (in Sampaloc District), MENDIOLA (near Malacañang), PASAY, SAN JUAN, STA. ANA (where the horses run), NAVOTAS, VALENZUELA, MALOLOT (per history books, this is somewhere in Bulacan), LAS PINAS, LUCENO and CALAMBA are all in the ISLA of LUZON, with BATAC in upper Ilocos and LEGASPI (or REGASPI, if you have a Japanese accent) in lower Bicol. Panyong suggests that they pass thru EDSA instead of a small CALZADO, a crowded AVENIDO or a DAANG malubak. They can also try ROXAS BOLIVAR as an alternative route along Manila Bay. Should you opt for the expressway, please get an IPAZ to avoid delays at the toll gates during rush hours. Four guys can even take over Makati City hall: MAYOR JOJO-JOMAR NAI-VE. Another group can make a new BALUARTE in CUISON City: SONNY BELLE MONTE. Waiting in the sidelines is BASMAYOR who is ready to assume office in any town or city. Pete likes the nearby NAYON, Marlon stays at the urban CIUDAD, while Nilda prefers the bigger NACION. If you want the Visayas area, you can go to BOHOL, MURCIA (Negros), MOLO (Iloilo), TOLEDO (Cebu) or JAKOSALEM (Cebu also). We haven’t figured out whether ESPAÑA is in Manila or in Europe, whether BRANZUELA is in Bulacan or South America, and whether ANGELES is in Pampanga or West Coast America (“maraming KANU dito”, according to Toledanes). Others go LOMOSAD abroad with DAIGDIGAN para makita ang buong EDMUNDO, OSMUNDO or RAYMUNDO even if they have to cross the oceans PACIFICO and ARLANTICO. But please tell JUMALON not to make waves, whether the water is ma-LALAINE or mab-ABAO. For luxurious sea transport, Fil has a very tempting offer, “gamitin niyo na lang ang YATCO”. Sabi ni Cecille at Nitz, tawirin din daw ang mga ilog RIVER-A at RIOS using a boat BANGCA-YA because swimming is risky, baka ka ma-LOMOD, even when you bring along a SALVA-BEDA. Europe is a favorite destination, such as ALEMANIA, AUSTRIA, ELBIÑA, MADRID, ARAGON, MILANO, FLORENCE, SEVILLA, VALENCIA, TORINO and PORTUGALEZA (if you arrive by calesa). This lady, SUSAN PAULO, will guide you to Brazil. To go back in time, PABILONIA can take us all the way to ancient history. On the other hand, if you want futuristic ADVENTOR, we can do interplanetary travel to outer space and meet the ALLENs from MARS, VENUS and JUPITER. One guy has two addresses as DUHAYLUNGSOD due to this confusing GEOGRAFO. If you want to communicate (MACKY-BALITAAN) with others in a CLAR way, you can use the MIKE. For longer distances, use the WILKIE-talkie or the TAWAY-radio with the “over-over” language. “ROGER!”, he will lead you to the nearest PLDT PAYPON booth. When important papers are to be forwarded, MQV suggests sending them via air-MEL. However, if numerous and bulky, Pol will take care of them as LBC.